Escape the Christmas stress by developing the mindful habit of “wait a little”. When we take time to slow down it not only improves our well-being it can also make life more enjoyable for those who are with us. The fifth blog of this CHRISTMAS series by Val Mullally.

S is for Slow Down

When I think back to my childhood in the Africa “bush” so many images come to mind. The huge red sun dipping slowly over the horizon in the evening, swimming in the river with fish nibbling your legs, raucous birdlife of amazing colours, moths and spiders as large as saucers, dry dusty soil – and thorns.

African sun at dusk

Thorns of all shapes and sizes, each inflicting its own type of pain. People who haven’t lived in that climate cannot imagine the variety of thorn:

  • large, spear-like woody acacia thorns that cause your foot to ache for days after an unfortunate encounter
  • the annoying little paper thorns that pepper your bare feet
  • the wicked devil’s thorns, like singular wooden marbles with vicious spikes in every direction, making it impossible not to get spiked
  • And the “wag-n-bietjie” thorns – “wait a little” because when you are caught by a string of these sharp, curved thorns which hook into your flesh and clothing, you have no choice but to “wait a little” and disentangle yourself.

Wait-a-Little As a Daily Habit 

Often it is the unpleasant things like illness or injury that hook into our lives and force us to  “wag-n-bietjie”. What if we choose to slow down and notice where we are in life, rather than waiting till circumstances force us to stop.

When we slow down we become mindful –  we become more aware of new information, we notice how one thing impacts another and we become more sensitive to the intricacies of situations.

Between stimulus and response there is a space… In our response lies our growth and our happiness.” Stephen R. Covey

Within the bustle of Christmas, let’s create pleasant slow-down moments.

Time to stop for a cuddle.  To go for a walk.  To watch children playing. To do nothing. To reflect.

 

Slow down this Christmas and enjoy peace joy love

Make space for the things that breathe life into your being 

Wait a little –  in an inner place of quiet stillness.

Each of us needs periods in which our minds can focus inwardly. Daniel J. Siegel

One simple way is to notice your breath. Stop the rushing. Just notice your breathing – in and out. Take time to notice the beauty around you. Open the door of awareness to experiencing awe.

Awe puts on the brakes, and keeps us still and attentive. Hedy Schleifer

The word “awesome” has become an overused superlative that has lost much of its meaning. Awe is not about “cool” – awe is much deeper. It touches our souls. Awe shows up when we slow down.

Why slowing down matters

Slowing down matters for our own well-being and it matters for those who are with us. We become more aware, more attentive, and we take stock of our lives. When we slow down, we open the door to awe.

Only that day dawns to which we are awake. Henry David Thoreau. Walden 

Paul Piff says awe makes us nicer and happier: “Awe causes a kind of ‘Be Here Now!’ that seems to dissolve the self, and as a result makes us act more fairly, more generously, more ethically.”

escape Christmas stress - slow down

So over to you: 

  • What helps you to slow down? 
  • What do you see are the greatest benefits when you slow down?

Last edited December 19th 2018

You look at the numbers on the weighing scale and groan,

‘How will I ever lose weight!’        You know, and I know, the festive season is hardly good for losing centimetres around your waist, or your rear end, but you are determined to get off to a good start with healthy eating in the New Year.

You may be wondering why I’m writing about weight loss when my work is as a Parenting expert. (I see myself as an expert on helping you to be the expert in  what your family needs to thrive). Last January I was asked to postpone a Parenting workshop.                                  

‘It seems people aren’t ready to get going till February’, the lady from the hosting organisation explained.

But the strange thing I noticed was that from the first week of January the car park was full when the evening slimming programme began. It seems everybody makes it a priority to get down to ideal weight when it’s the first of January. I was discussing this with a friend who responded,                                                      

‘But the best way to ensure that weight loss stays off could be to do something a Parenting course.’                                                                                                                          I raised my eyebrow questioningly.                                                                                    ‘Think about it,’ she said. ‘If things aren’t going well at home, we get stressed. And when we get stressed we comfort eat. And, bang, we’re back where we started, with the kilos piling on.’

Her response makes a lot of sense to me. If you are worried that your child is not coping at school, if you’re worried about bullying issues, if you’re stressed about your child’s behaviour, if you and your child aren’t communicating and are going through a stormy patch – it makes sense these things are stressing you. And there’s an old saying,

‘If Mum be happy we all be happy.’

If you as parent are stressed it tends to increase every family member’s stress, and so we all get caught in a downward spiral that easily skids out of control (weight included!) And if you think about it, our stress is largely related to anxiety; wondering how  we’ll cope. And Anxiety is something we can do something about, if we know how. Anxiety = Powerlessness x Uncertainty’ according to Chip Conley in ‘Emotional Equations’. So imagine if you knew how to increase your sense of Power to create a calmer home. Imagine if you could increase your sense of Certainty of what your children need to thrive. A greater sense of personal Power and a Certainty of what matters and what to do about it = Less Anxiety = Less Stress. And less stress is likely to result is becoming the calmer, happier, slimmer, fitter parent you really want to be.

This is only theory, but if it makes sense to you, why not discover the Koemba coaching approach to Parenting? This is a combination of my experience working with children and parents as a teacher and school principal, what I learnt though having children of my own, combined with Life Coaching skills and practical communication tools and key insights from Relationship theory.  Following on from the success of my ‘BEHAVE!’ Parenting course, my new ‘LISTEN!’ Parenting programme starts in Cork and also in Kilkenny this February. Want to know more? Take two minutes to watch our video clip, on the side panel. 

Sign up now to save €20 with the Early Bird option.

If you’re not lucky enough to be in those geographical regions, keep watching  our posts because we have exciting developments to launch new Parenting resources.

 

 

Last edited August 18th 2015

Managing Anger in the Home

Do you sometimes:

– have angry children to deal with?
– flip the lid yourself?
– wish you knew how to handle stressful situations?
– wish you knew how to successfully resolve conflict in the home?

Then you want to listen to “Managing Anger in the Home” to discover that you CAN manage anger in a way that benefits all family members.

Click here to download the Discussion Questions for this Audio CD. (PDF file)

 

Last edited June 25th 2012