Consistent in your actions

 Every parent wants to be a ‘good parent’ – but what’s needed?

‘Any area in your life that has inconsistent results is an area where you have not made a decision to be consistent in your actions.’ Jeanine Blackwell

I love this quote. It challenges me in my work as a soulpreneur and coach. But is it true when it comes to effective Parenting? What does it take to be the parent you want to be? If consistency leads to awesome results in the workplace is the same true for parenting? If I am consistent in my actions as a parent will I get consistent results? I’d love to believe it, but when it comes to parenting, whether you are parenting a toddler or parenting a teenager – think again!

As humans, consistency isn’t always a natural way of being. Circumstances change. Family dynamics change. People change. Especially little people. And when change happens there isn’t going to be a consistency in result. There will always be challenges and inconsistencies in raising children. Every child is different, so every parenting experience is different. And as our children move through different developmental stages the experience and the challenges are different. As one mum said, ‘Every time I think I have this parenting thing sorted, my child pulls the rug out from under my feet.’

So  – how to be a ‘Good Parent’?

We can judge ourselves that we’re not being ‘good’ parents when things don’t go smoothly, but we need to hold in mind that we’re in the job for the long haul. There will be ups and downs, particularly as we move through times of change. Consistency in our parenting can be really hard.

So does this mean, as parents, we should forget about consistency? No! Consistency matters if we want to be the parents our children need.

Consistency matters – particularly in the things that are so hard to measure:

Patience.  Kindness. Awareness. Believing in your child.

Patience, kindness, awareness, believing in your child

 

Consistency matters particularly in the moments when no-one else is looking:

–  those moments when you might be tempted to yell or scream at the kids

– those moments when you might be tempted to use sarcasm

– those moments when you might be tempted to say ‘Whatever!’ rather than do the hard work of conscious parenting

Does that mean you’ll see consistent parenting results? In the short term, probably not! You’ll still ride the roller coaster of everyday parenting, with all its wild ups and downs and unexpected corners. But in the long term, consistency pays off every time. Look around you and notice the families whose children have grown into fabulous young adults. Warm, caring, compassionate, responsible young people invariably have warm, caring, compassionate, responsible parents.

Consistency pays.

We may have different parenting styles, but consistency always matters. consistency matters as much in the world of parenting as in the world of the entrepeneur.

What three qualities or values do you choose to consistently model to your children? It doesn’t come by chance. It comes from a conscious decision.

So now it’s your turn to challenge your online community. What three values did you choose?  Please share your thoughts in the comments box below.

Consistent in your actions

  

Needing support to be the parent you want to be?  Discover more about Parent Coaching.

 

 

Last edited June 04th 2017

Today in “The Guardian” Zoe Williams is fed up with the clashes of  parenting ‘gurus’.

Parenting is tough enough without this type of “’dagger-on-a thread’ hectoring”.

Here’s my different, and potentially more helpful perspective.

Parent Coaching provides parents with a support person (either on a one-to-one or in a group context) and trusts that you, the parent is the expert on your own situation.

In Koemba we  talk about the ‘contuitive parent’ – the parent who uses both their conscious awareness of what is helpful in the particular context together with trusting their own intuition, ( hence ‘con-tuition‘ ).

Trust your intuition – that inner sense of what your child  really needs. We have parented successfully for generations. We wouldn’t have survived as a human race if we didn’t know how.

Combine this with your conscious knowledge and you have what is needed to successfully nurture your children at both a physical and emotional level.

Yes –  be open to new learning. Neuroscience has discovered more about how the brain works in the last decade than in the whole of human history.

It makes sense that if we know how the brain functions we will also know what is needed for young brains to thrive.

Think about the language we use – the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to parent or ‘good’ parenting-  infers that there’s also ‘bad’ parenting. As Zoe says, parents have enough stress already – so let’s avoid the judgemental language (unless we’re talking about abuse). Try substituting with the question ‘Is what I’m doing helpful?’ When we use non-judgemental language we can figure out what’s working for our own individual children and our families.

I invite you to replace ‘should’ with ‘could’. e.g.  ‘I should be … ‘  changes to ‘I could …’

Once we recognise we have choices we’re no longer helpless victims but contuitive parents who can meet our children’s needs.

Last edited April 22nd 2010